Friday, November 19, 2010

Trader Joe's, Grammar Bitchery, and More Holiday Magazine Fun

Things that I am thankful for today include, but are not limited to, the following:

1. Trader Joe's exists and they carry awesomeness in a bag, i.e. dried pomegranate seeds.

{This might be candy disguised as a wholesome snack, but I don't care. It is sweet and tart and chewy and crunchy and magical.}
Pretty much everything about Trader Joe's makes me happy. They have samples there which is awesome enough, but add to that the turkey leg hats that the clerks are wearing these days and you have yourself a very festive grocery shopping atmosphere.

2. I have a comprehensive grasp of the English language that includes the ability to differentiate between homophones, an awareness of the need for punctuation at the end of a sentence, and an understanding of the importance of a correctly placed modifier. Not everyone is as fortunate.
Several months ago, Tom and I bought ourselves a two-day sailing lesson. [Thanks also to Groupon for seriously ratcheting up the cool factor of my extracurricular activities.] Between tomorrow and Sunday we will spend ten hours learning to become masters and commanders of a seafaring vessel. I anticipate that I will excel at this as I fancy myself to be quite at home on the open sea. All bets are off, however, if the gray skies and rain storms in the forecast bring out cold, wet Kate.  She's a real pain in the ass and is unlikely to be interested in learning. But I digress... In preparation for our sailing education, we had to pick up a book from the instructors beforehand so that we will walk into class with at least some knowledge of the basics (of sailing, clearly, not English). 

The teenager who handed us the book acknowledged the most glaring of errors. "It's a mistake," she snapped her gum at us. "It's not, like, a book with no friends. They spelled it wrong." Uh huh, thanks. 

If one of my students had turned this in, he or she would have gotten it back looking something like this:
{I would have also circled the 7 and told the student that numbers under ten should be spelled out, but the photo was getting cluttered.}
We are have been borrowing this loaner book for a week now, and I can't wait to return it. It physically pains me to look at the labels on this book. They aren't even labels. They're cut up pieces of printed paper that have been taped to the cover. Why in God's name don't they just retype it?! Seriously. It's driving me crazy.

3. As of four o'clock this afternoon, I am on Thanksgiving break. In theory, that means lots of time to catch up on the grading that I have been trying to ignore into oblivion. In reality, it means sleeping late (by late, I mean past six), getting my hair and nails did, agonizing over which pumpkin cheesecake recipe to go with, and probably whipping up something crafty. And also...more holiday reading. Hurrah!

I couldn't be more excited. Happy Friday!

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