Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Request

Dear Mr. Assange,
How about wiki-leaking something useful? I mean, this stuff isn't exactly earth shattering. I can tell that Kim Jong-il is "flabby" just by looking at him, and I have only a vague grasp of European politics, but even I could have told you that Medvedev "plays Robin to Putin's Batman." Ok, maybe I wouldn't have come up with that specific metaphor, but you catch my drift. I'll give you Gaddafi's "voluptuous Ukrainian nurse;" that is some juicy stuff!

But, come on, give me something I can use! How about using your magical "hacktivist" powers for good and trying to uncover the Army's apparently top-secret time table for returning soldiers to their hometowns following year-long deployments?? That, I could have used! You, however, chose to "uncover" the fact that many Middle Eastern countries are concerned about Iran, and yet the actual date when my brother will return to Vermont remains an ever-shifting mystery. As a result, I sit on the other side of the country with an unused plane ticket. So, give it some thought, will you? Try to reveal stuff we can use because right now, you're less Woodward and Bernstein, more Perez Hilton. While we're at it, if you're taking requests, I would love to know what the trick is for scoring tickets to the Oprah show on days where she gives stuff away and how old Rachel Zoe really is because I'm just not buying  thirty-nine.
{Mr. Assange, this picture was taken three years ago! Please tell me that this is not what 36 looks like.}


P.S.: The cut and color was a solid move.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Talk to me, Goose