Confessions

Over the past eleven days of my spring break, I have done the following:

• Made several impulse purchases on itunes, including a song with the lyrics, "Shake that ass like a donkey with Parkinsons." What, Eminem? Seriously, just...what?!

• Watched a marathon of TLC's Sister Wives. For those of you who are fortunate enough to remain blissfully unaware of the premise of said program, it is a "reality" show that follows the day to day experiences of a polygamist family in Utah - husband, four wives, and about half a bajillion kids. It has a trainwreck kind of appeal, but that doesn't make me any less ashamed.

• Made big plans to lesson plan for the last quarter and scrapped it all in favor of falling asleep on the couch while I half-listened to Dr. Phil mediate some disagreement with a one-two punch of his favorite go-to expressions, "This ain't my first rodeo, son" followed quickly by a "Look, I don't care how flat you make a pancake; it's got two sides." If he'd followed up with, "Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass," it would have been a trifecta...

• Become far too familiar with Dr. Philisms. (See above) Actually, if I'm going to be totally honest, my knowledge of Dr. Phil's folksy sayings was not developed in the last eleven days alone...

Phew, I'm glad I've gotten that off my chest...

What a Difference a Year Makes

I just found the following written in a notebook that I briefly used as a journal last fall.

   "Confession: Sometimes I crank the heat up because I know the fourteen-year-old hussy who's shooting  daggers at me from the second row can't take her hoodie off without being sent to the assistant principal's office again for the hoochie mama top she's wearing."

Happily, this year is off to a much better start than last year, so I have not yet found it necessary to passive aggressively torture my students with the thermostat. Fingers crossed.